Flight of the Anal Intruder

[I swear, he comes up with these titles himself - Christian]

Hi Y'all.

Being a criminal has never been new to me, I grew up in the heart of South Auckland, where it was normal for us to let the neighbours steal our clothes and then steal them back once they had washed them.

Or the time in winter when our fence slowly started 'disappearing' we eventually found out our neighbours were burning it in their fire........i guess they wanted to breakdown the barriers between us*.

So ever since arriving in Japan I had made an effort to 'turn over a new leaf' by not engaging in criminal activities, but the chance had always presented itself in the form of driving my car. As stated before, I drive on average 70-80km per hour, so while I was driving to the next town I started overtaking a few cars that were doing the legal limit, when I came near the end of my self proclaimed 'gleg-drag strip' I noticed a policeman running out of the side street where he was hidden. the thing that struck me as unusual was that he was carrying a flag which had STOP written in Japanese and english. So he was waving his flag at me in an attempt to make me stop, it made me laugh for a number of reasons.

1. I was almost stupid enough to stop, well that was before the South Auckland spirit came back to me. When I was 12, I was hanging outside the mall in New Zealand at night, me and a few mates were trying a few new skateboard tricks. My trick resulted in me falling off and my skateboard careening into a window smashing it. My mates took off, but I was rooted to the spot in fear. The fat security guard took forever to come (ewwww), but he preceeded in telling me off and confisicating my board. Ever since then I have ran like Forrest Gump when trouble arises.
2. Who and Where on earth would there be someone stupid enough to stop because a guy was waving a flag? I dont see floats at parades stopping everytime they see a guy waving a flag, so why should I?
3. With all the technology in Japan, why dont they sit in their cars with their laser detectors waiting to pounce on the culprit like in new zealand? or stand by the road brandishing a six shooter ready to shoot out the tyres like in America.
4. With someone waving a flag like they were the flag guy in a Formula 1 Race, who on earth wouldnt gun their car a little more, so they could ensure those precious seconds werent wasted, enabling a better pole position for the main race and maybe a world record?

So while all these thoughts quickly raced through my head, I slowed down enough to realise that I would be in serious shit if I stopped, so I gunned the accelerator and overtook another car leaving my would be law enforcer re-reading his flag to see if he spelt something wrong as a response to my non-response.

For a while I was worried that he may attempt to pursue me, but I guess thats when Japan becomes a god-send.

The police are the 2nd least active workers in Japan, after us kids on JET. So he was probably embarressed that I didnt stop, which undermined his authority. Plus the fellows back at the station would have questioned his 'policing abilities' if he couldnt catch me. If he had decided to pursue me, he would have been hindered by the fact that there is no stretch of road 'safe' enough to pass, as well as the collection of old pricks driving 40km that I had left behind.

So that was my drama for the night, I am still waiting for a call to my school. Or maybe a S.W.A.T team will swoop, forcing me once again to take flight.

Catch ya........cause you cant catch me

Gleg 'the human cannonball'

* That was unfortunately a true story.