The Land of the Rising Sun

Ok you scumbags, here it is, the 1st `bulk` email.

after leaving the airport in N.Z and not crying a tear (the cleaners were following me with a mop and bucket) i boarded the plane, sat next to some cool dudes glenn and cindi who chatted with me for most of the journey, bringing me up to speed with japan and the things to do, etc etc, we wanted to go to sleep so we were drinking alcohol, but to no avail, although we started to go to the toilet more and more often! and each others jokes became very funny, so much so that we would spit as we yelled our jokes at each other, i was trying to let the whole plane know my jokes, and i think cindi and glenn were letting japan and n.z know theirs! did you know it is actually quite embaressing to be drunk when everyone else is sober? now theres something to think about youngins.

so anyways we get to Narita airport and it is huge, about twice as big as whakatanes airport (jokes bro) and everyone literally runs to where they are going, no wonder they are so skinny, and mate, is it hot here! we had to wait in line for 1 hour 30min to go through immigration, damn immigrants! then you have to get on a train to get to the other part of the airport (told you it was big!) after mucking around for a while (laughing at the squat toilets) we boarded our bus and waited another hour b4 we left, in the heat and humidity. we were almost wet with sweat (i think mine was mostly urine, but i didnt let on ) finally we were off and away, our JET guide was a maori chick who thought that wearing bike shorts was the best way to show off her donout figure (go figure) she gave us the usual kiwi run down `dont go to this seminar, go out tonight, pick your mates up, kia kaha etc etc`. as we were going along the 2 hour drive to the hotel, we see all sorts of freaky looking buildings, and they are massive! the cars are like the latest models! no crappy old cars. we went past tokyo disneyland (so close so close ;0(

got to the keio hotel, big muthar farker of a hotel like 49 stories! they have a pool on the 7th floor, 3 mtrs deep! boo yaa. they also had a sauna, but no girls allowed, hahahahaha poor old vicky, she was a chick with us who came exploring, she was pissed when she found out she wasnt allowed in, i wasnt supposed to be allowed in either due to my well hung memb.....because of my tattoos, but they make allowances for gaijin (foreigner). that chick vicki was the same girl who went to the `alternative lifestyle JET seminar` as she thought she was classed as a alternate chick back in n.z, you know talks posh wears black clothes, geeky chick. anyways shes in the seminar and after 30min realises that they are talking about gay bars, lesbian bars and where to score, durrrrrr she was in the `alternative lifestyle seminar` some ppl have no brains (at least i have some)

that night i met my roommate Nathan, pretty square dude, but when you are in a new country you welcome any roundeye with a smile, plus he is married to a japanese chick so he knows the area a bit. and its cool being roomed with someone you wouldnt normally hang out with

me and my mate Matt decided to go and check out tokyo, we went out looking for somewhere to eat, him with his japanese phrase book and me with my rugged good looks, we soon got soaked in the electrical storm they were having (looks cool, untill i found out the next day some dude got fried walking his dog) but found somewhere to eat. had a little of a look around but was still so tired from being awake for 40 hours straight. finally went back and went to bed. all the yanks around here are trying so hard to score girls, its disgusting! some of the guys arent even attractive! (faggot)

monday morning, the start of the seminars! we skipped them and went into tokyo and went to shibuya, pretty cool place. the subways are a mad house, ppl just rush everywhere! its like when you are in the garden and you lift up a rock and the ants scatter everywhere, some places there was a river of ppl, my mates got seperated on one side with me on the other, i shit you not! its a brave man who tries to barge his way through, the cool thing about this place is that i am quite tall, its cool to look down on ppl, instead of the other way round! so anyways we headed back to keio hotel and went to our welcome function, in our suits, in the trifling hot weather, after that we were supposed to stay for more speeches, but i left and went to my bedroom for a nap (too bad, how sad, lets be glad) that night some dudes found the redlight district, apparently there are girls lined up with #`s on them, dont ask me what the #`s mean, maybe they are running a race? me and Matt went for a train ride around tokyo city, it sounds pretty cool when you think about it, but we just sat in a train for an hour! we told everyone that it was cool though, heheheehhe, when we got out of the train we couldnt use our tickets to get through the turnstiles, after explaining to the information clerk in japanese and english, he got sick of us and the line building up behind us, and ushered us through, Gaijin 2- Japan 0.

there are heaps of homeless ppl who sleep in cardboard boxes on the side of the street, we were tempted to try out our japanese on them by saying genki desu ka? which means how are you? but we thought we might get a punch in the mouth instead. at least the weather is warm for them, i dont think they could have a log fire in the winter though, and i didnt see any fire exits marked on their boxes come to think of it...............

Tuesday, i was supposed to go to my semiars, but skipped them all, if i am going to make a mistake with the culture, then its their fault not mine heheheheehe. oh i did go to my prefectual meeting though, best to know those who are in your area.

went swimming in the pool with matt and cathy, then went into shinjuku to get my pics developed, played their spacies (so cool) and got piri kura (pics) checked out the J-phones, the cheapest was 40NZD and had a look at their digital cameras. quite expensive.

went to the N.Z embassy, had a bullshit welcome and bullshit speech about how we are all ambassadors for n.z, i was wondering if i was going to get a big ass house if that was the case like this guys. had my pic taken with the ambassador, he was a bit of a cock, so i put my arm around him when the pic was taken, he was taken aback by that, but who gives a toss, cheap prick tried to get rid of us at about 10ish, the old start turning off the lights trick. we had to fill in a sheet with our names and addys and phone #`s i didnt know mine so i put 0900 sex4u, i didnt know that they were going to photocopy it all and give it to each of us, so we could call each other! i have got one email about it already, hehehehehe. we caught a cab back to the hotel and got chaged ready for our last night in town, went into the redlight district, i was going to preach to them about their sinful ways (honest mum honest) was surprised at how everyone would come up and ask if you wanted to come and have a look at their girls, touch their girls, talk to their girls and do anything to their girls, all for 6000yen but i never got to see these girls, apparently nathan was telling us that once you get into the club, this chick will come over and talk to you, real friendly like. but at the end you have to pay 10,000-20,000 yen for her time talking, i bet she wouldnt even know very good english! i talk to my mates about the warriors and you dont see me charging them shit loads of yen for the privalege.

anyways we got bored of walking around so we hooked up with trudi and cathy and these others cats, there were 2 losers hanging around them (no not me) from christchurch i think, and he told us how he has got a picture of him in front of a sign saying `no pictures` riiiiiigggght mate, capital L for loser there! eventually we ended up at a restauraunt, and i ordered SAKE!!!!!! its pretty cool fun, you can yell and be a clown because you are a Gaijin, and you dont know any better, i wonder how long that excuse will serve me?

we eventually got back to base at 3.30am and slept till 7am, thats when i had to get up to meet my crew who were going to Kumamoto, after saying goodbye to the kiwis i saw, we headed out to the airport to fly to Kyushu, again very packed and hectic. i got a window seat! i was so stoaked, saw mt fuji, they call it fuji san, which translates into Mr.Fuji, thats how big it is, it looks like the mother of all pimples, it is literally a `dont fuck with me volcanoe` so scarey, on the way i was sitting next to a guy called Ed, good ol` canadian, we got to talking about girlfriends and i said `mine is coming in the school holidays, shes 13` you should have seen his jaw drop! he was speechless! i told him i was just fucking with him, he said that he broke out into a sweat when i said that, its going to be fun bullshitting ppl here! got to Kumamoto, broke my tie on the way, how? who knows with me. we got our bags and awaiting us through the arrival gates was heaps of japanese (surprise surprise) with our names on banners, and big blown up pics on cardboard cut outs, so cool! mine said GREGORY PAUL LAMBERT SEIWA-SON WELCOMES YOU!!! (those poor fools, if only they knew)

after them speaking broken english, and i mean broken english! and me not knowing any, we found our car.and headed off. we stopped for lunch, and they were amazed that i sorta know how to use chopsticks, the old stab something and hope it sticks to the chopstick trick!

the speed limit here is 50km and in towns it is 40km, it is so frustrating! you just want to tell him to floor it, its like driving with dad, when he is looking everywhere except the road ahead! got to seiwa, eventually and was shown my house, its pretty big, well bigger that what i excpected! and then went to the board of education to pick up my car, i thought with all the new cars that i would certainally get a subaru or a cool car, nope i have a matchbox car, the smallest little thing you can imagine, a granny car. sometimes i pick it up and carry it under my arm if i am late..hahahahahaha, the speedo only goes up to 140km, that is so funny! the roads are real skinny and windy, with mirrors on poles so you can see if any cars are coming around the corners. i drive bang on 50 when my tantosha is in the car (supervisor) but when he aint i zoooooom, and pull handbrakes on my gravel driveway. so cool.

So i am in Seiwa now, and enjoying rural life, well sorta, when i get my X-box and digital camera and laptop, now thats when things will get pumping, i shall update you on my progress and life in this little village of 3249. untill then make mine marvel,

p.s, any emails would be welcome, even if its just shooting the breeze. school hasnt started here yet, its still summer vacation, very boring.

oh yeah my name is Mr. Gleg here not Mr.Lambert or Greg, but Mr. Gleg, so funny, shall let you guys know later about my dinner party and meeting the mayor

With regards,

Greg Lambert